Comparing is Human

# ©2026 Luster Chauncey

“Comparison is the thief of joy” is one of those sayings that sounds wise until you actually think about it. Like many platitudes, it gets repeated so often that no one stops to question whether it’s true, or even useful.

Comparison is not optional. It is human. It is biological. It is how we learn, survive, orient, and make meaning. We do not choose whether we compare. What we choose is what the comparison means and how we use it.

If comparison really were the thief of joy, then it would also be the grantor of peace. Because the same act of comparison that can create envy can also create gratitude. The same lens that can make someone feel behind can also remind them they are not broken, unlucky, or doomed.

My mother uses a walker. When she goes outside, she uses a scooter. She still has her legs. And yet, every day, she compares herself to people who can walk easily and talks about how bad she has it. I often remind her that there are people who are bed bound, people who will never stand again, people who would trade places with her in a heartbeat. That comparison is just as real. But it does not serve the story she wants to tell or the attention she wants to receive, so it gets rejected.

The issue is not comparison. The issue is selective comparison.

I compare myself to others every day. Not to punish myself, but to ground myself. Sometimes the comparison reminds me that things could be worse, and that alone brings peace. Sometimes the comparison shows me what is possible. It becomes fuel. Not envy. Information.

And sometimes, the comparison clarifies that I am good where I am. That I do not want what the other person has, once I consider the trade-offs that come with it.

When someone exceeds me in some area, I have options. I can be inspired and move. I can decide it is not for me. Or I can sit in resentment. Only one of those options is a problem.

Blaming comparison for our discomfort is easier than taking responsibility for our interpretation. It lets us avoid the harder work of asking why the comparison hurts, what story we are telling ourselves, and whether that story is even true.

Comparison is a tool. Like any tool, it can build or destroy, depending on whose hands it is in and why they are using it.

Comparison is not the thief of joy. Misusing it is.