I Can Always Afford to Deserve

# ©2026 Luster Chauncey

Over time, and for a while now, I have believed myself deserving of anything there is to have or be. Because of that, I do not really move through life with the feeling of not deserving something. That experience does not come up for me very often anymore. It has been my experience for long enough now that I no longer question whether I deserve something or not.

I can always afford to deserve.

But over the past couple of years, that feeling of deserving has come at a cost. One I did not notice at first, because it felt justified. It felt earned. It felt aligned with believing in myself.

So, toward the end of last year, I started a quiet personal movement. I just started saying, “I don’t afford it.” If something is not essential, I don’t afford it. Even if I spend the money, it is not coming from affordability. It is coming from choice, and I want to be honest about that distinction.

And I want to make another distinction too, as to why I refrain from saying “I can’t afford it.” I don’t use “can’t” lightly. Can’t is reserved for moments where I literally cannot. Saying I don’t afford something is not saying I can’t. I might be able to afford a new car, but not if I want to buy a bigger house in a few years. Don’t is a conscious, deliberate choice. Can’t is a limitation. Keeping that line clear matters to me. I always afford to deserve, but that doesn’t mean I always have to choose to afford.

Thinking about deserving versus affording in finances made me think about deserving in love.

So many people I have worked with as a life coach, and myself at different points in my life, have believed we did not deserve love. That belief can be convincing. It usually has evidence. A past mistake. A pattern. A version of ourselves we are not proud of.

But when I sit with it longer, I am not sure deserving was ever the right frame. Maybe we did not lack worth. Maybe we lacked capacity. Maybe we could not afford love yet. Not because we were broken, but because love requires maintenance. Presence. Regulation. Accountability. Space. I can always afford to deserve love, even when the timing or the circumstances are not fully ready.

Because unless someone is pure evil, and even then who gets to decide that, why would they not deserve love? If perfection or sainthood were the requirement, then almost no one would qualify.

And this is where the idea starts to widen for me.

Deserving seems to be the language we use when we are trying to explain a gap between what we want and what we can hold. We frame it as worth when it is really about readiness. About structure. About sustainability.

I still believe I deserve anything there is to have or be. That belief has not gone anywhere.

I always afford to deserve.

But now I am more interested in what I can actually afford. And in being honest about the difference, without turning it into a judgment about myself.